I woke up that Monday feeling awful. My rib pain was through the roof, and my tummy was big enough that I couldn't breath easily. Being on bed rest since January had definitely taken it's toll on me and I was feeling defeated and frustrated.
I started having Braxton Hick contractions 3 minutes apart again. This got me feeling even more frustrated. I had been dealing with preterm labor my entire pregnancy, and those contractions starting again made me begin to cry.
I tried all day to get those Braxton Hicks to go away, but nothing I did worked like before. I went to bed thinking that sleep would help calm them, but I woke up in the middle of the night and they were still going. Only now they felt stronger, and were starting to hurt. Constant Braxton Hicks had made my tummy sore and tired before, but this time the intensity was only beginning to climb. I felt panicky thinking labor might be happening. Around 3 am they were really starting to hurt, so I woke up David and told him I thought I was actually in labor. And that terrified me.
Thankfully my sister was staying at our house to help out while I was on bed rest. We woke her up and told her we were going to the hospital.
When the nurses confirmed I was in labor, I broke down and began to sob. The reality that Aiden might not survive more than a few hours sunk even deeper in my heart. I was terrified. I didn't want to go through with it. I wasn't ready to give birth. I laid there and tried to will my body to stop laboring, and I prayed the nurses would tell me "just kidding!" and we could go back home. But the doctor came in, trailing an ultrasound behind him, and talking to his two interns about prepping for my c-section. The doctor quickly checked out Aiden on the ultrasound, and announced that he didn't think this was going to turn out well and left the room. After that they began taking us away to the surgery room.
That walk down the hallway seemed to last forever. David and I walked hand-in-hand crying. The nurses cried with us. I remember turning to David right before we entered the room and told him I wasn't ready and couldn't do this.
When they finally took Aiden out of my tummy, they promptly grabbed David to take him back to the NICU doctors on the other side of the wall. And I started to panic. I repeatedly called after him, "but I didn't get to see him". But everyone around me was silent.
I stared at the window between my surgery room and his NICU room feeling completely helpless. I could see silhouettes of people moving around, but no sign of David or my son. I began crying again and pleaded with Heavenly Father as I laid on the surgery table. I felt like I was there for an eternity, staring at the clouded window that separated me from Aiden. Someone was wiping my tears from my face. I had a strong instinct I've never experienced before that screamed I needed to go find and protect my son.
Finally the window opened, and David peeked through. I almost didn't believe him when he said, "He's stable! They had to intubate him, but he's stable!" I broke down again, but this time they were very different tears. One of the nurses came by my side, held my hand, and cried with me.
I had a hard time in recovery. My blood pressure kept dropping and I felt like I was in and out of consciousness. The world kept collapsing in on me and right when I was about to be gone, I'd snap right back. I knew it was because I was exhausted and just had so many emotions run through me at once while enduring the adrenaline from the c- section. The nurse had to put me on oxygen for quite awhile.
When I was finally stable enough to move out of recovery, they made a pit stop at the NICU for me. They wheeled my bed right up to him, but all I could see and touch were his tiny little feet.
It wasn't until I was able to get out of bed and into a wheel chair the next day that I was able to really see him for the first time. And I was instantly in love, but very worried for him as well. His poor tiny little body looked so swollen from the hydrops. His head and face seemed to have the worst of it. But he was beautiful, alive, and all mine.
Clive Aiden Osuna born 3/15/16 at 9:31 am. 4lbs 2 ozs, 13 inches long
Read dad's story here.
Read dad's story here.